Twas two days after Christmas ....

27.12.2011

I find myself not thinking too much about anything in particular.

I can’t, If I do I get heavy in the chest and can’t breathe.

We’ve had lots of family visit, and the house has been crazy busy. This has been nice, I’m not a loner of a person so being around a lot of people has helped.

I’ve visited sweet Stella twice. She is resting in such a beautiful place, it almost doesn’t feel like a cemetery.

A gorgeous friend from what feels like a life time ago messaged me this yesterday-

‘Little Stella must have been a brand new angel in heaven and was sent down to learn from good people about the human spirit and compassion. The reason she was here such a short time was because she had learnt all she needed to about beauty and love and life from two beautiful  people and therefore it was time to go home. What a gift to have her in your lives for those few short years and thank god she was sent to you two and not someone else who could not have given her everything she deserved’

This brings tears to my eyes, I’m full of sorrow but this makes my heart smile.

She sure was a little angel. What a wise soul, and she was mine, all mine for a little while.

I am going to keep updating this blog, and will be doing something big in the name of my daughter Stella next year.

Thank you to all who have supported me and sent your love from across the world, please keep reading and spreading the word.

Much Love Chelsea xxxxx

Goodbye for now my Baby Stella ....

17.12.2011

Thursday night we farewelled our dear daughter Stella Grace.

She had fought right to the last hour when suddenly I just knew she had just had enough.
She wanted to be cuddled.

So that is what her Mummy and Daddy did.

Typing this through tears, I just can’t believe I’ll never see her beautiful face again. Her chubby little hands, the one freckle on her right foot, the eyelashes exquisitely long, her golden hair. Her beauty takes my breath away.
 
Stella’s story has not finished, her shining light will shine bright always and forever.

  Im going to miss her. Im going to miss her all my life. I am utterly devastated and numb, but we will get though this next step. My daughter taught me what it was to be strong, brave and true.

~ The Beautiful Star ~

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Service Information:

Tuesday 20th 11am

Centenary Memorial Gardens, Sumner Brisbane QLD

Please wear colour

xxx

12.12.2011

Stella turned 23 months old yesterday, still so so young and very much still my baby girl.

After nearly three weeks in intensive care and a few on the ward Miss Stella is coming home today.

It’s a big day. She will be brought home by ambulance as she is so fragile.

We now have different equipment. I thought before was hard but now it’s a whole new ball game.

We have a suction machine, air mattress and oxygen.

Stella doesn’t swallow at all anymore and needs oxygen at a low rate full time now. She is also floppy, even more so then before.

They have changed her drug cocktail around now so the ones I use to be able to do with my eyes closed have all been changed.

The last three weeks have been so up and down. It’s been a frightfully scary time where I honestly thought we may lose our Star. I cannot explain the raw emotion you feel. The tears, sobbing and the heartache, it’s awful, and its real and it doesn’t go away.

Saturday last week we were told to say goodbye. The team in ICU meant it, and I thought this was it. I have never doubted Stella before and have always remained positive but I really thought she wouldn’t be okay. They said her body went into shut down after a collapsed lung. Oh my, it was awful.

She did however get through the afternoon that they expected her not too, and became stable. What an amazing girl, to go through so much and still be here, wanting to be here.

Without going into too much detail she is now being looked after by palliative care, I’m sure you all know what that means. To me it means she’ll be comfy, not in pain and smothered with lots and lots of love each and every second of every day.

Christmas is around the corner, and I just want her here for it. I want to be holding her in my arms.

My princess, who I know so many do love, is taking us all on a ride, her ride, and she is now the one calling all the shots.